Question
Hello,
I am a Spanish-speaker, my husband is a German-speaker and we live in England. Our three-year-old speaks very fluently both Spanish and German. She is remarkably good in both; I would say at least as good as children being raised with just one language. Her English is getting better but much more slowly and less fluent, since she doesn’t watch television (we don’t own one). She sometimes watches Netflix, and only things in both Spanish and German. I am not saying that television teaches them language, just how little exposed to it at home.
My husband and I speak mostly English with each other but, especially during mealtimes our own languages, since our “language police” doesn’t allow us to speak each other’s language and feels left out if we speak English all the time. I am not worried about her English not being as good, as she is really social, and she interacts with children who are either Spanish-speakers, German-speakers and of course at nursery, her “best” friends are English-speakers.
I am more worried about maintaining the learning of both Spanish and German. She is doing really well, but once school starts, she might switch to only speaking English and leave behind both our languages. We don’t have plans of leaving the UK so far, and I would feel so strange to speak to her in any other language.
My question is, should we enrol her in some sort of language school for German and Spanish and if so, should it be in both languages at the same time? I have observed other kids who were really fluent in their parents’ languages not speaking them at all anymore. Our girl is doing so well, it would be a real shame.
Thank you very much, best wishes,
Ana
Answer
Dear Ana
Thank you for your question about maintaining your two family languages, German and Spanish, for your trilingual child, a 3-year-old daughter, who is growing up in an English-speaking environment.
Let me start with saying how impressed I am with your little girl’s language skills! Being confident in speaking two languages and well on the way to learning a third is fantastic at that age. This bodes well for her future as a trilingual.
Another thing which is very encouraging is that she acts as your “language police”. This means that you have established a routine where she expects you to speak German with her and her dad should stick to his native Spanish when he speaks with her. Make sure you maintain this routine and it will be your best “defence” against English taking over as her preferred language with you and your husband when she goes to school.
Your question is whether she should also attend some German and Spanish classes to strengthen her family language skills. If you find some weekend classes that she would enjoy taking part in, by all means, go for it. Before enrolling her, make sure that there will be age-appropriate tuition and that the teacher will have a chance to adapt according to the children’s language skills. For her age, the tuition should be play-based with a lot of activities. The classes may be of great help once you want her to learn to read and write in German and Spanish, as this is something parents often struggle to find time to do.
There are however many other ways you can support her German and Spanish, here are a few ideas for your trilingual child:
- Find other families with children who speak your languages and arrange playdates. The effect of seeing other children speak their languages is very powerful for children who are learning more than one language at home.
- Involve the extended family in regular online calls, so your daughter gets used to speaking the language with other adults as well. Depending on her patience, you could even have someone read for her. Check this post for further ideas.
- Arrange visits to areas where Spanish or German is spoken. The experience of being immersed in a language and seeing that it is used everywhere in the community, in media by other families etc. “normalises” the language. It is no longer only something used in your family.
- Create dedicated language areas for German and Spanish in the home. These could be for example in her room. One area for everything German: books, music, toys (monolingual toys are a great help), albums with pictures of German relatives and friends, souvenirs – anything you can think of. And a similar area for Spanish.
- When you watch children’s programmes in either of the home languages, sit with your daughter. Make the viewing experience an interactive one by discussing the characters and the plot. You can even stop and ask questions during it, for example: What do think the rabbit will do next? Where will they go now? Why did she do that?
- If possible, try to lessen the amount of English spoken in the home. How well do you understand each other’s languages? Have you ever tried a bilingual conversation where you speak Spanish and your husband speaks German? This approach would have the added benefit of both of you learning more of the other’s native language.
- Make sure you keep up with the vocabulary she is learning in English once she goes to school. She will need the right words and phrases in German and Spanish when she wants to tell you about her day. Remember that she has been immersed in English all day, and if she is eager to tell you something when she comes home and does it in English, let her share her news. You can have the discussion again later in the evening and recap it all in the home languages.
The most important thing is however that both you and your husband are consistent in speaking your native languages when you address your daughter directly. While mixing the languages will not confuse her, it is a question of maximising the amount of exposure to German and Spanish, when English gets a more dominant role in her life.
Wishing you a successful trilingual family journey!
Kind regards,
Rita
Rita Rosenback





Thank you so much for your thorough answer. You do give us very good suggestions.
We are very lucky to have around a Lutheran German Church which has a toddler group on Fridays and “conversation” group on Saturdays, where children actually attend alone, while the parents get coffee. Conversation group is mainly kids with a really nice woman playing with them. This has been really good for keeping festivals and other traditions Germans have that English people don’t. As well as play dates with children that are actually force to speak German with our girl because of her lacking enough English.
There isn’t something similar for me but I do have plenty of Spanish speaking friends and many of them have girls around my daughters age.
We do sit with her to watch things in our languages, Germans have a several appropriate programs like “Die Sending mit der Elefant”, which is very enjoyable even for me and it is design for toddlers. We don’t let her watch much without us and we speak about what we watch, a lot. Same with books. Now that she has so much more vocabulary it is so even much more fun to read with her.
Thank you for having such a nice blog. The multilingual aspect of our live as a family is really important for us and every once in a while we do really need some guidance.
I read your children are also trilingual, you being from a Swedish minority in Finland, right?, and your husband’s family language is Punjabi. We find that inspiring and promising.
Best wishes and regards,
Ana