What to do when your young son questions why he should keep speaking your language? How to respond when he says he is never going to need it? These are questions that are not only hard to answer, but difficult to hear.
Take a deep breath and don’t get upset. Your language is naturally important to you and having your own child question its importance may feel hurtful. You should however try to put yourself in your son’s shoes. The way he is looking at his future, he may just not see a need to speak your family’s heritage language – don’t get upset by this, he is just being pragmatic. Also, he doesn’t yet have the wider view of the world that you have.
How should you react? First, make sure that you stay calm when you respond. Getting into an argument about the language use will only make things worse. If you feel too upset, postpone the discussion until you have gathered your thoughts.
Bring up the topic at a point when you both have time to sit and talk – it is not a discussion that can be had between two TV programmes or in the morning when you are both off to your daily activities. Start by saying that you do understand his point of view but you would like to know more about why he questions the importance of your language. If you are lucky you will get some more details about his reluctance so you can address his specific reasons.
The likelihood is however that you are going to get a general comment along the lines of: “I’m never going to need it!” and it is up to you to make the case for his future as a bilingual. Tell him about the advantages an additional language will give him: it will improve his employment prospects and give him a wider choice of where he wants to study, work and live. Others pay large sums to learn a language, while he can get one for free. He will be able to communicate with relatives in your home country and it will make visits and travelling easier as well. Describe to him all the other benefits that knowing more than one language brings with it.
Convincing him will probably take more than one discussion, so don’t put pressure on him. Let him come around to your way of thinking and also find out what would positively motivate him to take an interest in your language. Good luck and please do get in touch if you have questions!
May the peace and power be with you. Yours, Rita © Rita Rosenback 2019
Never miss a post! Sign up to the Multilingual Parenting newsletter and I will send you a recap of the week’s posts every Sunday. Every second week you will receive a more extensive issue with links to research articles and interesting posts from other writers, as well as handy tips and ideas! Want to read more like this? My book Bringing up a Bilingual Child is available on Amazon and in well-stocked bookshops. Do you have a specific question? You can send it to our team of Family Language Coaches and we will reply in a Q&A (questions are answered in order of arrival). If you are interested in tailor-made family language coaching, please, contact me and I will send you a proposal.